In the beginning I had planned for this blog to be about chronic pain. I had intended to talk about what I had gone through for the last 14 years & how it had changed recently to include several neuropathic symptoms. At that time my health and the pain I was going through seemed to be the only thing I ever focused on. I needed a place to speak about those feelings because the people who knew me had grown tired of hearing about it. I don’t blame others for feeling that way. I was tired of it too. I still needed a way to let it all out. I didn’t feel comfortable enough to try to talk to someone anymore, I already knew the reaction I would get; i.e turned away and shut down. I was feeling very much alone. Then I started this blog and even though I didn’t post much about it, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to say.
Then I had several test done. When my doctor gave me the results, he told me something that made me question where I wanted go from there. What he pretty much said was “I believe you.” He also said that although it is rare, some test will show a false negative. I have every reason to have nerve damage with all the back surgery I have had. He’s also positive that I have some form of peripheral neuropathy. I could have a nerve biopsy to prove it, but it can be quite painful and I could end up feeling worse.
I left his office that day questioning if I wanted to keep doing this to myself. I decided I didn’t. Instead I have started focusing on doing whatever I can when I can. I know that after having a few good days I will probably end up having a few bad, but it’s worth it. I also decided to use my blog to talk more about what obstacles have faced in my life; i.e. domestic violence, an eating disorder, etc.., but I mainly want to share how my faith in God has helped me to overcome so much.
I’m a different person now and I want to share it with the world.