WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

Just saying that makes me feel like a little kid again, at least temporarily, but unfortunately it all center around being an adult.  An adult who has responsibilities, who has others she provides for and who has many relying on her all the while not having anyone she really can rely on.

CAN’T I PLEASE JUST BE A KID AGAIN?

I’d give anything to go back to those days when all I worried about is what fun I was going to have that day, but those days are gone and although I’d love to not have so many worries, I still wouldn’t give up the people in my life just so I could.

As the 2012 Holiday season begins, I’m finding myself deep in thought about so many things.  For one, the past few years my holiday spirit  for the most part had gone “POOF” .  It seemed Christmas was mainly about money and since that is something I pretty much lack, I guess I just gave up.  I don’t want that this year.  I want to go back to where I would go over the top decorating the house.  I don’t think I have even put my Christmas tree up for the last two years and not only due to financial reasons, but physical ones too.  I gave up on myself and didn’t even try…….NOT THIS YEAR!  This year I’m going to go so over the top it will take a while for anyone to track me down.

So I named this post of mine “What I want for Christmas”  and really it’s not really about what I want for Christmas but what I want for others.  First of all, for once I would like to say to my kids “No problem, we can get that.”

I’d also like to get my oldest son something he’s been saying he’s wanted for some time now.  He knows what that is and it’s not something frivolous, but it definitely is not something I could afford.  Cheapest is around $400.00.  My youngest daughter would like things for her room and clothes that aren’t from Goodwill and my youngest son needs a computer that doesn’t constantly freeze on him.  My oldest daughter is getting married and there’s many things she’s going to need and I would just like to enjoy going into a store again.  That is something that’s hard to do when you can’t afford to buy Christmas presents for the ones you love.

Somehow I’m going to make sure that this is a good X-mas.  Would be nice if my ex would cough up a bit of the almost $100,000 he owes me for back child support, but I’ve given up on thinking that will ever happen.  One thing I can say is even though I’m living on disability, I have supported my kids and we may not have the best of everything, but we have survived so far and have even thrived in many ways.  He couldn’t say that.  It’s called being a parent something he never has understood.

Probably will be posting more on both of these subjects, but that’s it for now.  Hope everyone has a very Happy Thanksgiving!  God Bless!

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Posted on November 22, 2012, in disability, domestic violence, healing, HEALTH, life, MEDICAL, PAIN, single parent, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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