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NO REGRETS

BLESSINGS IN DISGUISEIn the past I will admit that I made some very horrible choices. Choices that to this day still have very negative repercussion. Would I make the same choices today? Probably not. Do I regret making those choices?

Absolutely NOT!

How could I look back on any choice I’ve made in the past with regret when I fully know that each of those choices led me to where I am and especially who I am today.

One of my favorite Bible verses is Romans 8:28 “And we know that all thing work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” I think the key word in that verse is “ALL”.

Have you ever had something unexpectedly happen that made you late leaving to go somewhere? Then as your finally on the road driving to that place you see an auto accident that happened moments before and think “Wow, that could of been me.”  I have several times and I don’t look at that “unexpected thing” happening as just a coincidence. I see it as God working in my life to protect me. But it’s not just the good things that happen where God’s working in our lives. It’s all the bad too. My ex-husband was abusive in almost every way possible. I can’t look back on that and wish I hadn’t gone through that. You may ask “Why?” The reason is so simple; I wouldn’t have one of my kids if I hadn’t. How can I regret that. I also wouldn’t be able to understand others who are in the same type of relationships. One thing I would like to do in the future is help others in domestic violence relationship but how can I help them if I don’t understand them.

Bad things will happen in life, but it’s how we use those bad things in the future that counts. I know I’m going to go through many more hurts in life. At that time I will may wish it wouldn’t have happened, but as long as I take something from it and use it, then I have to believe I’m being called according to His purpose.

TRYING TO FIND THE RIGHT PATH

all the timeHave you ever felt that you’re not where you’re suppose to be.  Lately, that is something I’ve felt on a daily basis.  The problem is I don’t know where it is that I’m suppose to be.

God…..Please help me, please tell me what it is you want me to be doing!

I have a feeling that the answer is right in front of my eyes but fear is standing in the way of me seeing what it is.  What fear could I possibly have.  Oh……gosh there are so many.  The biggest one is the fear of not doing the right thing.  More than anything else I want to do the right thing.  Actually, when I do the wrong thing by mistake, I beat myself up for it.  My kids tease me about how I get angry with myself while going through an intersection and I don’t get through it before the light turns red.  I don’t why I’m so hard on myself but I think I need to be.  No one can be responsible for any choice I make but me.  So if I don’t discipline myself, and I do something wrong, the consequences could be dire.  I’d rather correct any wrong I’m doing so it never goes that far.

So how am I suppose to find the path I’m suppose to be on when I can’t get past the fear of failing.  I don’t know what to do.  I also think about how some say that you need to have your own house in order before you can help others.  My house is definitely not in order and it’s not from a lack of  trying, more from guilt I use have about the past and letting myself be treated more like a doormat than anything else.  I’ve changed a lot, but just because I changed doesn’t mean everyone has to.  But where do you draw the line?  I think I need an answer to that and so much more before I finally realize my full potential.

I’m a mom.  I’m a Christian.  Which is more important to me?  Some may not agree with what I’m going to say, but I feel being a Christian is more important than anything else.  Still……how am I suppose to separate myself from the responsibility of being a mom?  That’s something I’m really struggling with now.

In a perfect world, I would have total control of my household.  My kids would be on the same page as I am and would understand my desires completely.  We don’t live in a perfect world though and if we did I don’t believe I would be where I am today spiritually.  I feel God had me go through difficult times to give me understanding I couldn’t possibly have without going through everything I did.  I shutter at the thought of who I would be if I things didn’t go the way they did.

Some would say “I’m off my rocker” by saying I’m glad I’ve gone through everything I have.  Let’s see…..Epilepsy, eating disorder, suicide attempts, domestic violence/abuse, auto accident that contributed to becoming disabled and many other health issues, ongoing financial issues, etc…but I wouldn’t trade any of thing for something good.  I wouldn’t be me then and finally, for once in my life, I’m glad I’m me.

I’m going to continue to search for the path the Lord wants me to be on and when I do it will be because the Lord said “it’s time,” not before.  I believe his plan for me is going the way it is supposed to be and I’m questioning this so much so I can find that path.  All I need to do is put all my trust in the Lord.

 “But desire the greater gifts.  And I will show you an even better way.”  1 Corinthians 12:31  

                                                                                                                                                                                      

What’s on my heart today

When the day started and I opened my eyes from sleep that was so needed, immediately I felt a sense of dread.  It didn’t take long to figure out why.

Life’s personal and financial stresses.

 

I just wanted to go back to sleep, but my mind was not going to have it.  No……my mind wouldn’t stop thinking.

 

UGHHHHHHHH……. HERE COMES ANOTHER MIGRAINE/TENSION HEADACHE!

It didn’t matter how hard I would try to focus on other things.  The moment I did, something would happen that would make it worse. You would think I’d be a complete mess by now.  Nope, not even close.  Actually I feel I just got a bit stronger than I was before. I’m still struggling with the stresses of life, but I take comfort in my faith that tells me God will never forsake me.  He’s still here, by my side, holding me up, keeping me strong and making me stronger.

Sometimes I have heard others say “If God was real why would he let you go through the troubles you keep having in life.” I think everyone wants to have a protector that makes sure nothing bad will ever happen, but can you really imagine how life would be if everything was always perfect? I don’t believe it would be the best thing for any of us. Why? Think about that for a moment. I can list so many reasons why that would be more harmful than good.

romans 8 281.) If everything always went the right way, how would we ever learn to appreciate things.

2.) If we had everything and anything we ever wanted don’t you think we would start behaving like a spoiled child?

3.) If you didn’t have to worry about anything going wrong, what lesson would you ever learn, how would you grow?

I’m going to end my the list for now, even though I could keep going and going and going just like the Energizer bunny, but I have to say one last thing. I know that one day I will be in heaven and I will have the peace and rest that almost everyone longs to have, not because I wanted it, but because my faith in God has kept me strong so that I will have not only earned it, but I also deserve it.

Before I end this, I have to say “Thank you Lord Jesus for putting these words in my heart. I know that without you I am nothing, but the love you give me makes me feel like I’m everything I ever wanted to be. I give all the glory to you God and am so thankful for that.”

If you like this and want to share it with others, I think that would be so great. I believe that God lets us go through some things in life to help others who are going through something similar. Maybe there’s a very good reason for how I’ve felt today. Maybe someone’s feeling hopeless. Maybe someone else is on the brink of giving up. Who knows. Maybe just maybe this is God’s way of helping someone get through a day they couldn’t have otherwise. I know I definitely don’t that kind of power, but God does. Remember, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

“And we know that all things work together for good of those who love God: those who are called according to his purpose”
Romans 8:28

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