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BEATING A DEAD HORSE – ONE IDIOM TO CONSIDER

idiom

I think most people have heard of this common idiom; if you haven’t here’s a link that will explain it to you:  http://www.knowyourphrase.com/phrase-meanings/Beating-a-Dead-Horse.html. 
I have always loved using idioms.  For myself, an idiom has been a special way of expressing something I’m feeling and at times the best way of explaining a situation in more visual way.   For example “the early bird gets the worm.”  It explains that you can easily get ahead  by being punctual and dependable.  Another one I really like is “It takes two to tango,” meaning  both people involved in a bad situation are responsible for it.
So today I came across a situation that I had once pursued but quickly gave up on.  That is when I started thinking about the idiom “beating a dead horse.”  It sound like a terrible thing to think of, but when you consider what it means it does make sense.  It has nothing to do with beating someone or a dead horse or any other animal for that matter.  What I take from this idiom is why try to fix something that can’t be fixed or why keep asking if the answer is always going to be the same  For the most part, I believe it’s true that you shouldn’t keep bringing about an issue that has already been solved or concluded, but that was until I realized how what I was dealing with was really not concluded.   I understand why I assumed it was.  Any health issue I’ve had in the past decade hasn’t come with a cure or the cure for most didn’t work on me.  I was always hearing that I needed to learn to live with it.  Hearing that so much has made it where I stopped pursuing any treatments that  may or may not  help.

Now to explain what happened today I have to start from the beginning.
So, about 5 or more years ago I had seen a doctor about some excessive facial sweating I had experienced.   I would literally be dripping of sweat with barely moving much .  Even in the dead of winter with below freezing temperatures, if I would walking up and down stairs or scrubbing the counter or the bathtub, I would sweat profusely.  At the time I thought maybe I was going through “the change” a little earlier than most or that I had some other medical issue that was causing it.   So I went to see my family doctor and she ordered some blood work to be done on me.   A few days later I received a call from her office and was told my blood work looked good and that they didn’t find anything abnormal.   I know I probably should have pushed for a reason, but I dropped it and haven’t brought it up since then.
I think I can why I chose to handle it that way.   I had already felt as though physically I was somewhat backwards long before that day.  Once when a doctor was doing a test where they would touch the nerves in my back and I had to tell them where I felt it at, I was told that the sensations I was getting on my left side should have been felt on my right side and vice versa.  I had other situations such as that and so it hit me that I was just backwards and far from normal.   I eventually accepted that I’m not normal and even take pride in that at times.
Until recently, I was content with using that reasoning and just dealing with it,  but for the past several years the sweating was getting  worse.  It started affecting where I would go and what I would do when other people would be around.   I knew that I really couldn’t be outside in warm weather without immediately breaking a sweat and it was so obvious of what was happening.  The only way I could hide it is if I was at a lake or by a swimming pool.  It was a much harder situation to explain when it was cold.  If  starting moving around, even in freezing weather, I still would break a sweat.   My hair would get sopping wet and it’s embarrassing.  These days I’d rather sit at home then go anywhere.   I’m tired of feeling that way.  I think that is why I decided to search that symptom on the internet.

WOW……..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I THINK I MIGHT HAVE FOUND A REASON FOR WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME…………..

AND THERE’S EVEN A TREATMENT FOR IT TOO!

I just about to “whoop it up.”  (Sorry had to throw that idiom in too: get excited with a party-like feel.)  Seriously though, I felt I couldn’t believe it was really possible to finally get an answer to one of my many health issues and in reality there’s no guarantee I even have.  I will find out soon though.   After I realized there’s a name for what I might have (Hyperhidrosis) and that there’s medication for it I called my neurologist and have an appointment tomorrow.    So wish me luck please, if this can fixed it will make a big difference in my life.

WHAT I’VE REALIZED

Since November I’ve had constant numbness in the bottom of my right foot. Then a few months ago I noticed numbness in the middle of my left foot going from my toe down to my heel and eventually the entire bottom of my left foot has also become constantly numb. A few weeks ago I finally saw a neurologist and Monday I’m scheduled to have an EMG.

Today as I was thinking about the test I started having a panic attack. Not because I’m afraid of the pain or what the test may show, I can deal with that. What I’m afraid of is once again getting told I have something that can’t either be explained or fixed (i.e. Fibromyalgia, CFS, etc.).

That got me thinking about what I’ve already been through, especially when I was first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.
Being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia was very hard for me to accept. For one, at that time I had never heard of it and even worse some medical professional labeled it a “made up disease” or called it a “mental” disorder, but

I KNEW MY PAIN WAS REAL……
I KNEW MY PAIN WAS NOT SOMETHING I WAS IMAGINING

So at first I dismissed it and thought “they probably just haven’t figured out the real cause of my pain.” Even as time went by and I would have other symptoms I would be told that it’s part of the fibromyalgia or even worse; being diagnosed with something else like CF(Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), I still didn’t believe it. For one thing:

HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO BELIEVE I HAVE SOMETHING THAT SOME DOCTORS STILL QUESTION?

Then I started researching it more and the more I research it the more I finally understood and even believed that actually was what I had. I was so happy. Not because I had Fibromyalgia and CFS, but that I finally could put a name to what was going on with me. I was on cloud nine, but right as I thought everything would be easy to explain to now, I was hit with a whammy that was even worse.

What could be worse than some doctors as well as myself questioning what I had?

Others questioning it too, especially those who were supposed to be the closest to me. And I know it shouldn’t matter what others thought, but in reality

IT DID….IT REALLY, REALLY DID!
And even to this day, shamefully
IT STILL DOES 😦

Lately, I think I have new and even a better attitude about it, especially since the past year has brought new and more alarming symptoms. I’ve realized that I can’t worry as much about what others think and if they don’t believe me, well…… then they don’t need to be part of my life. Just like the doctors can’t do anything to fix my pain, I also can’t fix another persons stupidity, so if they want to call it a made up disease…. I will speak my mind and it might even hurt my feelings a bit but more than anything…… I will really pity their ignorance.

Most importantly though is what I have learned and what I do know about myself and that is how strong I really am. Living with chronic pain is not easy, but even so I get up and do the most I can when I can. Sometimes I do more in one day than a healthy person does in one week. I can’t choose what days those are, but when I have a good day I do take advantage of that and for that reason

I AM PROUD OF MYSELF!

Anyway, Monday will be here before I know it and I could leave the doctor’s office that day with either some answers or more questions. Either way, I will get through it. I think I’ve proven that.

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